@OliviaBloDunham oliviablondedunham :
You didn’t loose me. After all we’ve been through… You don’t loose me, ever. I know you hate to lie in general and specifically to me. Sometimes we had to lie just because we are selfish or we think that’s the better thing to do. Yes I ran away and yes I wouldn’t answer your call. I felt like it was all an illusion. I didn’t know who I was. But It wasn’t your fault, Olivia. I know you. You’re the most beautiful person in both universes. I love you. And knowing you acted that way just because you wanted to be with me, only me, just because you didn’t want to loose me… this make me love you more than I already do. You’re human, honey. Don’t be so rude with yourself…
He deserved to know the truth about who he is
In these days of fear I often think about the events of two years ago.
At that time I decided to lie. I knew the truth about Peter, inside me I knew it was right to say it him.
He deserved to know who he really was, but I decided to keep silent.
I didn’t want to lose him. I knew that if he discovered the truth, he would have run away and so it just happened.
I had spent many days thinking about what I knew about Peter and our relationship: in two years we became really good friends; He had seen more than my image of tough woman and I had seen more than his image as a cynical man .
We talked about many things, our difficult childhood, our vision of the world, the relationship with our parents in a silent pact of sincerity.
Pact of sincerity that I, for the first, had betrayed because I didn’t want him to go to find his true family, I wanted him to stay next to me and I want it yet. He is the person who understands me most in the world.
When he went away I fully understood what I felt for him and see that he didn’t answer my calls was killing me slowly. I had lost my best friend, I lost the man I loved and it was my fault.
I had to fix it. I had to let him know how I felt. I thought back to what he had said to me: “I don’t want to do anything which endangers the strange family that we are building together with Walter”
When I decided to lie I thought the same thing. I was convinced that only by lying to our strange family would stay together, but I was lying to both him and myself.
It took several days to be able to find him in the another universe and when I saw him, I found the words to convince him to return home. Peter didn’t accuse me of anything, even if a part of him for some time he hadn’t trusted me. In the following weeks I and my double came exchanged and there was no way for me and Peter to talk about the lies I had told him. There were many misunderstandings between us, and I was always the accuser and yet it was me who lied about something so serious. And I realize, a clear mind, that I’d do it even now that I’m in danger of losing him again. I’d be lying again rather than lose him.
I hate the lies.
But I hate more the world without him.